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Some like to use it everywhere, and use their free hand to tickle their testicles or play with their anal area. This kind of play will make you more inclined to try other things in the future once you see how good it feels.

Masturbate standing up in front of the sink. When you are just about to get off, push the head of your penis underneath a thin stream of cold water.

The sensation will be intense, and as a bonus, you will be all cleaned up when you are done. As you are using one hand in the best way to jerk off, use the other to press hard on the skin between your testicles and your anus.

This area is right over the prostate gland. Your orgasm will be more intense if you keep up the pressure at that spot.

When you are masturbating, have a bowl of very warm water nearby. Right before you are ready to get off, dip your balls into that warm water, all while still masturbating.

It is said to make the orgasm much more intense. When you are masturbating like you usually do, use your free hand to pull down on your testicles.

This will tighten the skin around your shaft and lead to an entirely different sensation. You might have to use lube with this one to keep from having too much friction.

Then use that hand to masturbate. It might feel like someone else is working on your penis until you get off. Strange, but nice. Look into the mirror as you masturbate.

Call a halt to all your masturbation activities for one week. It might seem impossible, but you can do it! And it might be your best way to jerk yourself off.

Next time you start, you will get off very quickly, and the sensation will be extremely intense. Instead of jerking up and down, why not twist your hands from side to side?

This swiveling around your penis can feel strange, but you might be surprised how quickly you can get off, especially if you use warming lube while you do it.

Rather than masturbate as you normally do, push your penis down between your legs. Ready to rub one out? We'll watch anything that involves Diego Luna and two friends on a sexy little road trip.

It's a recipe for lust, though you'll need to turn the subtitles on if you want to understand what's going on. This lesbian drama is rated NC, mainly due to the sex scenes that don't leave anything to the imagination.

If that doesn't scream masturbation material, we don't know what does. Naomi Watts and Robin Wright play lifelong best friends who fall for each other's son.

For those of you who've ever wanted to sleep with a younger man, this is the one for you. This is a bit of a controversial option, seeing as it's a heartbreaking story that'll leave you gutted.

Still, the undying love these two characters share for one another is enough to get our hearts racing. Shirtless Christ Hemsworth.

That's it. I don't have a degree in anthropology or dick tuggery, but I am an amateur in both. It is therefore my nonprofessional belief that the origin of masturbation is connected to the right wrist.

Even for you lefties. Back in the day, you wouldn't dare touch your precious genitals with your sinister devil's paw.

Only the right hand would do. So we can agree that masturbation probably first happened with a bare hand -- probably well before the s, if you can believe it.

Maybe one day, our monkey ancestor was sitting in his tree, lounging under a palm frond, enjoying some delicious papaya, when some of it slipped and landed on his little monkey dinky.

He reached for it, grabbed both together, pulled, and suddenly we had nuclear power, iPhones, and Hot Pockets. As it happens, I have tried this old chestnut myself once or twice, but for science, I did it again.

So I hope that right now, you're picturing me literally stopping my writing of this article right here, pushing my chair back a little bit, pulling out the mayo, and starting to churn my own butter.

Try to imagine some sound effects, like a grunt of consternation, a chipmunk-like tittering, and the bass growl of a tired and hungry bear.

Did you picture it? Anyway, I'm sure nearly all of you are aware that this is aces. It's hard to beat the good cheer brought about by your own hand. It knows just what you like, and if you're not too callused or maybe you are and you dig texture , then it feels just fine, too.

For you ladies, try to imagine something you really enjoy the feel of, repeatedly and rhythmically working your lady flower. I'm told by our research team that female masturbation is actually a thing these days as well, and has more fans than paddle boarding, so maybe imagine that.

As many fellows will tell you, about a year or two after you've mastered the hand technique, your mind starts wandering.

Your hand is one thing in a world of many things. Probably, like, things. What would those other things feel like if they were jerking your gherkin?

So you start experimenting. Maybe it's Halloween and you have a pumpkin handy. Maybe your beanbag chair sprung a leak and has an appropriately-sized orifice barfing beans in your room.

Maybe you have a slice of ham. I'm not saying there's anything inherently sexy about ham. I'm not saying you can't use turkey, or even tofurky, if you swing that way.

I'm really just advocating the texture more than anything -- which, upon rereading this sentence, is somehow even more gross.

Still, an industrious-yet-lonely man with a boner is basically a sexual MacGyver. If you're not picking up what I'm putting down yet, allow me to elucidate.

For this particular solo mission to Dribblesville, you need to take a slice of deli ham -- and in this case, you don't necessarily want it super thin -- and maybe pop it in the microwave for 10 seconds.

Maybe you want it in a piece of bread for added grip, I don't know. I don't want to be the conductor on this train to penile trichinosis; I'm just sharing information.

Point is, you wrap warm meat around your cyclopean flesh carrot, and strum away like Clapton performing his final concert.

This is a lot like regular masturbation, only the smell is much more off-putting. Have you smelled deli ham lately?

Give it a try. Then rub it aggressively on your crotch for a few minutes. The porcine groin bouquet is a bit sweet and a bit musky -- kind of like what you might expect from a corpse, or a Kardashian when no cameras are around.

I can't recommend it. Fleshlight has apparently sold over seven million units worldwide. There's a reason Fleshlight hasn't hired me as an ad man.

That aside, the inside of a Fleshlight is soft, squishy, and textured with various nubs, swirls, and ridges. The basic goal of a Fleshlight was to make a vagina into a handheld device; an idea that will get exponentially creepier the more time you devote to thinking about it.

Fleshlight It's like if Ed Gein got into porn and collected just one body part. Patented in , the Fleshlight was the answer to the warm meat conundrum: How can I rub my chub in a way that is more exotic and satisfying than using my hand, but will not leave a slime trail of salmonella bacteria on my sack?

Many people claim the Fleshlight is even better than the real thing, at which point we're left to consider whether by "real thing" they mean their hand -- which of course they don't mean -- or an actual human vagina -- which, sadly, they do mean.

The existential sadness of anyone claiming that a disembodied rubber vag-sleeve is better than having sex with another person is something no Cracked columnist can dare take on without some serious alcohol to fuel the poetic ennui that will follow.

I refuse the challenge, because I have masters to bate and a soul that still glows a little when you say nice things to it.

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Following two millennials navigating the hookup culture, Newness is another option that has a great storyline, but will also leave you feeling hot and bothered.

Ready to rub one out? We'll watch anything that involves Diego Luna and two friends on a sexy little road trip.

It's a recipe for lust, though you'll need to turn the subtitles on if you want to understand what's going on.

This lesbian drama is rated NC, mainly due to the sex scenes that don't leave anything to the imagination. If that doesn't scream masturbation material, we don't know what does.

Naomi Watts and Robin Wright play lifelong best friends who fall for each other's son. For those of you who've ever wanted to sleep with a younger man, this is the one for you.

This is a bit of a controversial option, seeing as it's a heartbreaking story that'll leave you gutted. Still, the undying love these two characters share for one another is enough to get our hearts racing.

Shirtless Christ Hemsworth. That's it. That's the only reason this movies is on this list. Take it a step further by using his hammer to get yourself off.

Live out your wildest fantasies while watching this oddly erotic musical. Who's your phantom? Tweet us womendotcom or message us on Facebook to tell us all about it!

Pick your size from snack to storage , fill it with Crisco, Vaseline, Jell-O or banana pulp, and then stuff it with your meat.

Hold the package in your preferred hand or cram everything under a cushion, then pleasure yourself to completion.

Rubber Gloves. When you want to feel like someone else is giving you the greatest reach-around of your life, don a latex sheath on your own hand before whacking off.

Use your favorite lubricant unless you're into medical fetishes, or the sensation of being examined at the doctor's office.

If you do it anyway, beware that peeing and ejaculating may be painful for several days, but the stinging will subside. News News See all.

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October 4, Sam Phillips November 22, She figured it out. What took you so long? All of this junk can feel great on your junk. Hey lady, lend him a little mouth lube would ya?

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Things to jack off to

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